something is wrong with me

i dunno what is it that is causing it

it seems that i am just pissing more and more ppl off

i gonna keep my mouth shut

just let it go away

stupid emo self

….

my paranoid senses are tingling again

went to ecp yesterday for a bbq

reach-ed the mac at around 1.40 and chatted with abigail for awhile before the guys came over :/

proceeded to move to the pit

kerwin , amelia hui thong came

big two , ‘soccer’ and crapping till the food arrived

set up the fire but ended up only a small area needed LOL :X

then started cooking and bla bla

jaseline came in quite late

food-ed and captain ball

before going back home

Got a pleasant surprise after the bbq :X

attachment next week meh :/

people say i can be a very good bf

yet i lost to him

just how good is he ?

gullible lee

went out to find eddie to meet up

on the way i saw my friend on the mrt alone lol

looks like someone is in the same plight as me :/

so i lunch with eddie somewhere near at alljunied mrt

maybe its of my paranoid feelings but he seems to be trying to involve me in MLM .

no shit :/

constantly talking about opportunities

then finally telling me that he wan to introduce someone to me :/

meh

i feel so gullible lol

one last week . .

before school reopen

i hope this decision is good

or at the very least , for the selfish me

i really cannot keep this facade on

a mixed feelings of happiness and sadness

How could two extremely similar situations happen twice with a time lag in btw?

i wonder why too

maybe when i actually mature , i will understand it .

till then ,

i hope this time it will last for you ..

this is getting harder and harder

why will u remain as  someone that sucks so much  ?

is it not the desire to improve that allowed humans to prosper ?

i hope school starts soon

):

):

This week :

nothing but mindless hours of internet surfing

Next week :

nothing planned so most prob be at home again

i better start appreciating time alone or i will really snap soon :/

days and days of mindless stuff

ali interview was totally meh .

its was so casual and we talk abt ris low LOL

textbook questions and a tiny bit of class politics

and that was all ):

tho i waited like so damn long

X.X

i am really bored this week .

seriously , i need to get some fresh air .

but who can i ask to even go out ?

what , go alone ? no thank you , joselin >>

everyone in my class have their own group of friends

not me tho . .

jealousy,spite and over-emotional

i just dun understand myself.

why can i am able to pinpoint my own problems but not given the strength to solve them ?

why do i also seem to be able to hear stuff that always end up hurting me ?

why do i always able to think so fast ahead ? why just cant i be a simple boy who just want to study well and get a job when i graduate ?

and why am i feeling so jealous whenever she mention about a guy ?

why did i lie that night ?

why am i ranting about these problems even though i appear as an attention seeker ?

why am i gripping so tightly for ?

is my prediction going to happen or am i , in actual fact molding reality to my desires ?

nowadays my actions are devoid of reason and logic anymore . .

———————————————————————————–

“If  loving her is so painful , why dont u give up ?”

alas maybe one day i will be able to understand it .

those who have seen it will know the answer .

chalet was pretty okay maybe its bcs there is too little people

or maybe its just me .

i really had no idea .

not anymore . .

losing to time the second time

this feeling of helplessness.

i feel like crap .

maybe this is a test of my stupidity and in that sense i had passed it with flying colours .

how i wish i can just delete a portion of my emotions off , that way it will be better for everyone .